complicated-

2009-08-05T20:40:00.003+08:00

我的钱包又不见了
算了
可能真的不属于我的了

今天休息时
跟莫一起吃的
结果我的“情敌”问我她可以去吗
崩溃
我能说不行吗？

如果你也因为着一个人心痛
那么你是不是也应该了解我的痛
不要在接近我了？
当你选择跟我爱的人/前男友暧昧不清的时候
你就应该知道我们是不可能成为朋友
我不足够大方
不能祝福你们有好结果

我不能把你当成普通朋友
我想也没这个必要
请不要让我连你也躲

2009-07-29T22:27:00.004+08:00

既然这次真的下定决心要忘记
那么我就继续躲下去
不看不看不看他
不去想他的任何或一切

。。。
就算他们在我生日的那一天
在each other 的空间里互相flirt
我也要微笑的面对！！！
不在乎不在乎不在乎

after all
we're strangers
and strangers are not suppose to talk
not even say hi
SO哈罗陌生人！

其实我也躲的很累
只要他跟我做一辆巴士
我就不能在shortcut的那个巴士站下车
就要累我可怜的腿

whatever
我很开朗~
我不可以在出口骂人了
但不斯文了！
我要变淑女！

你你你
为什么
很奇怪的
连续2年破坏我的七月？
去年是在我生日前几天交往了
今年是追别人了
兄弟，7月是我的月耶！

对于这份感情
我付出了太多的爱
所以很难收回
但是我尽力了不是吗
我有跟他从新告白啊
是他拒绝我的

所以
现在
我要学习独立了
不要再依靠任何人！

加油！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

2009-07-14T19:33:00.003+08:00

16岁的最后一天...

发生了超级无敌不愉快的事
为什么牺牲的是我？
其实我也只想努力读书啊！
我真的很努力地
但为什么

我当着全班的面哭了
丢脸
但我真的很委屈
那个座位附近全都是男生
我要怎么听课？
老师就这么不喜欢我吗？
从第1排到第2排到第3排

后来打给妈妈
她却说我在忙
多么希望她能安慰我
但算了

后来同学们去帮我找老师
我哭着打给莫
莫过来陪我
是很感动

当然
其实好朋友说的对
世上好多的事情都不能如我所愿
但为什么偏偏是这件？
我已经放弃了不如意的爱情
为什么连想读书，
老天也不帮我？

当然
听她说如果上课不懂
她可以陪我一起找老师
还有什么事都有她在
我真的很感动！

真的很伤心
希望过一阵子雨过天晴
希望我快乐起来
我真的好累啊

老师，你真的这么讨厌我？
为什么在我面前说一套，
在别人却说另外一套？
我真的很烦你！

希望17岁的我会知道怎么面对这一切.

2009-07-04T23:05:00.002+08:00

最近日子过的还不错
还蛮满足的

来到新加坡8年了

终于有了自己的家

好开心的啊

发现自从搬到义顺了
自己就很少在寂寞的夜晚emo 了
哈哈
不错不错
有进步！

而且啊
现在都7月了
离o 水准才。。。4个月了
感情的事也变得没那么重要了

我跟他..
不晓得现在是什么关系
好像已经2个礼拜没讲到话了
每天早上坐巴士时
都会看到他朋友们
我难免会想到他

但这样或许比较好吧
可以专心读书
（自我安慰-ing）

加油读书吧！~
努力！

其实我还蛮期待今年的生日
亲爱的们，我的生日还有..11天！！

2009-06-23T22:47:00.002+08:00

有种百口莫辩的感觉

事情发生在某个星期天的晚上11点多
朋友误会我的意思
结果跑去骂了他
详情我不是很清楚

我知道她那样不对
但我之前不知道
总之不是我的意思就对了

我真的很无语
又没办法解释
解释不就好像此地无银三百两嘛
等下把事情弄的更糟
所以干脆什么都不要做

但是
不管他在乎这件事否
我很抱歉
那并不是我的意思
又打扰到了你

就算他看不见这个post
at least我道歉了
所以心情应该好一点了吧

愉快点啦，❤情
要加油读书背书
（好像除了这个
我什么都不能拥有了）

2009-06-22T13:37:00.001+08:00

你终于说出口
其实你早就已经不爱我

为什么要低着头
你知道这玩笑骗不倒我

可是这不是玩笑
是要逃避你离开我的理由
我还能做什么
你已经不爱我
我一直都爱着你
难道这还不够
我还要做什么
你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看着我
一心想离开我

我终于也说出口
其实很爱你但从没认真说过

或许是我的错
多在乎你却只放在心中（Yeah）
不要问我为什么
因为爱你这就是我的理由
我还能做什么
你已经不爱我
我一直都爱着你
难道这还不够
我还要做什么
你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看着我
没什么需要被原谅
我笑得有些牵强
你知道我总是能够假装不难过
Oh不想看你那么累
多希望再给我机会
颤抖着我的手
握住的只是风

我还能做什么
你已经不爱我
我一直都爱着你
难道这还不够
我还要做什么
你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看着我
一心想离开我

突然好喜欢这首歌
（我怎么又这么emo?)
眼睛又肿了
崩溃！~

2009-06-22T13:28:00.002+08:00

so i was wrong
AGAIN

srsly i dunno what is happening to myself
i m just a selfish ass
gosh, i shld have thought abt ppl's feeling
mayb he didnt like mixing with ppl he dunno

为什么我每次的都把事情弄的那么糟
本来的那样不是很好的嘛
我到底怎么了？

结论就是我错了
给别人带来麻烦了
啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊

其实我都不知道他怎么想的

为什么自己总是那么慢半拍？
烦死了啦
看不透、看不懂人

2009-03-04T14:42:00.003+08:00

好像要生病了
喉咙好痛，
头也痛...

再多一天...
敏感字眼：地理；数学

嗯...
我好像对隔壁班的那个男生有点好感吧
希望不会发展成喜欢吧
我还是喜欢着那个人

今天在课室外背地理
看到他跟他们走到concourse
几分钟后
他突然走到二楼
不知道在做些什么

还在楼梯旁打电话
他看到我我也看到他
但是.. 我们是陌生人....

2009-02-22T14:32:00.002+08:00

本来昨天想跟他再次告白
结果突然失去了勇气

今天
一时心血来潮
好朋友用我的名义
问他朋友他是否有喜欢的人

他朋友：...你还是不要问了
....
他朋友：你知道答案
....
他朋友：他不喜欢你...

放弃吗？
我...放得下吗？
哈。哈。
讽刺
我居然以为他还喜欢我
为什么老天这么不公平？

好累
我放弃
我放弃！
我不要再爱你了啦！

为了你
我流了够多的眼泪了
你为什么要让我以为你还喜欢着我
一次次的让我心痛！
为什么?

在说过残忍的话语后还道歉
真正伤害我的是
你的温柔啦！

活着好累...

2009-02-21T22:37:00.002+08:00

有时觉得自己好孤单啊
那个我爱的他却那么的遥远
连朋友也做不了

不是说我想跟他做朋友
但是伤心时希望他可以安慰我
但是
怎么跟一个喜欢的人做朋友？！
而且人家也不想做我的朋友吧！
他过的还好吗？
zonals也完了，
他应该可以好好休息了吧...
我好想他啊!

在过8天，
我们分开11个月了
我还是跟以前一样爱他
可是他！！！！！

快要考试了
可是却没开始读书
我的天
我完蛋了
爱情--飞了
成绩--没了

课外活动也让我快疯了
我努力着
大家一起努力着
但，大王却说我们还是''rubbish''
再过2个月...
for now,
just carry on to work hard bah!
i need motivations!

好想让他知道我还喜欢着他
哎...

2009-02-15T16:28:00.002+08:00

ytd sleptover at friend's hse
decided only at 1030pm.
then msg ppl happy valentine day,
including him.
then we chatted for the whole night

i realised that i m happier now,
now that i faced the fact.
just that i become more hua chi &bimbo-tic.
but is all worth the happiness beh.

i changed.

13th feb, friday.(my saddest day)
14th feb, saturday.(i m smiling alr)

anw thx FLUTES!
for all your ANWEI.
love you all,
js,ty,st,hk,xh,xx,ww,nic,cas,zn.

and thx for the rest who cheered me up.(:

and miss tan rocks!

2009-02-15T15:54:00.002+08:00

13-02-2009
felt like such a failure
my skills are the same as 2 years ago
yeah, he cant stop talking abt the syf 2007.
but seriously we are really trying to improve
is he just blinded or WAD?

accused me of giving excuses?
HELLO, this is the real truth.
nth hurts more than that accusation.
i tried to hold back my tears.
- unsucessful

i tried to work hard
i tried to practice more
...
wads the point?
YOU DUN SEE IT!
just "crap", "rubbish", "dragging the whole band down"
DID IT EVER FUCKING CROSS YOUR MIND THAT WE NEED MOTIVATIONS?
ENCOURAGES?
NOT JUST PURELY MAKE US FEEL BAD!
FEEL LIKE WE DUN BELONG IN THIS CCA!

since i was a sec 1,
you guys started telling me
"you have rhythmic problems"
now what?
you forgot that?
i tried to work on that.
but it just seem to confuse me more.

yeah, humilate me infront of the whole comm,
talk as if i wasnt there.
im suppose to smile at you,
and say thanks?

i cant lead my own section towards achievements,
i cant solve my own problems.
why keep me in that position?
why me?
why me?
why me?

I JUST CANT FEEL THE DAMN BEATS.
what am i suppose to do?
you cant well inject a metronome into me right?
not everyone is as talented as you.
not every one can be a musician.

you make me feel like dying.

2009-01-04T12:20:00.003+08:00

他说：“算了，那你就死心吧。”

2jan was my worst day.
class, him, band.

好累啊。
现实总是与我想的不一样。

我以为我们笛子很团结，
但老师说那是我一厢情愿而已。

我爱他，
但他却拒绝我。
残酷的现实！

面对面的拒绝让我知道：
我们以后只能做陌生人
这一次，我别无他法，必须忘记他。
关于他的一切。
再见，王子羽！

我的心痛你不会明白的。
我听到你的答案时，我心几乎死了。
我装作没事的转身走掉。
但一切都是假象，在你看不见我的脸时，我的眼泪便留个不停。
走到lt时，
我就直接倒在地上。

但是不论哭多少你都不改变你的决定。
我要努力的活下去！
忘记你！
再见，我的曾经！
再见，陌生人！
保重！

现在的我，
要努力的读书!
努力的让笛子们进步！

2008-12-27T17:36:00.005+08:00

谁能够了解这种痛到快要窒息的感觉？
看到你，甚至想到你。
我都有一种想流泪的冲动...

而你却自私到连拒绝否也不肯告诉我...

这...就是我的爱情啊，
残酷的...
但曾经仍是甜蜜的...

我多么想让你看到现在的我，
不再像以前那么小气了。
但你却连这样的机会也不给我...

昨天吃饭时，有对情侣坐在我身边...
他们让我想起曾经的你与我。
我实在是受不了了，
眼泪就在眼眶中，多一秒就要流了下来。
还好，最后和好朋友换了位。

唱歌时，那歌词突然让我想起了你。
泪水好像止不住似的，
流个不停...
在朋友们面前抱着沙发痛哭起来。
不了解的人，
也许以为我在吸取同情心，
但是非也。

我的爱情可能真的是失败的吧。
这一次，我想从新开始，
把你放下。
你的狠心只是证明了你是多么的不在乎...
说什么还喜欢我，
只是不想让自己变成坏人吧。
但无论怎样，
我还是爱着你。
我太笨了啦！

这一次，我真的要放下了!
毕竟还是成绩比较重要啊...
再过11个月就o水准了，
努力的学习总是比努力让某人爱上自己更容易吧...

今年的圣诞加新年愿望应该就是：
把平常想他的时间用来读书吧！
我做的到的！

当然啦，在这里呢，要感谢我的好朋友！因为她每天都要听我的啰嗦，还要帮我做很多很麻烦的事！非常非常的感谢你能够在这个特殊的是时期陪着我，为我出谋划策。爱你啦，陈吟秋!

还有，谢谢天大一啊，每天跟我花痴！
还有张靖啊，耐心的听着我的胡言乱语。哈哈。

2008-12-25T14:24:00.001+08:00

我说出口了！
做到了。

我尽力了，无论我们有没有在一起，
我已经尽最大的努力了！

心慌慌。

2008-12-17T21:17:00.002+08:00

i just wondered
how long more it will take me
to fortgt u, completely

even aft i knew all those things u did,
i still cant let go.
am i really stupid.

gosh,
it's almost 9months.
yet my feelings is unchanged.

if nth went wrong.
i'll have to see u everyday next yr during recess.
DAMN.

2008-11-23T14:49:00.007+08:00

18nov, 19nov, 20nov
CLASS CHALET!

was fun!!
and i slept with amelia the 2nd night,
so
i gt her flu+ fever....
(=.=''')

a few funny photos
for the whole collection,
view them at rachTAN's blog.
i lazy upload
haha((:

in the corridor with cheryl, rachTAn

(neglect my spastic face pls)

zilian!!!

we r HIGH!

BRYAN's LONG LEGS

oO. twin2?!

oO. twins?!

JIAJIA rather sleeppp...

rachTAN &REIS

me &REIS

rachTAN & JUNMING

me & guailan JUNMING

me &cute NIC

...

....

.....

.......

.........

ME!

2008-10-03T21:28:00.003+08:00

是我太高估自己的存在了
我太傻了.

好想大哭一场

2008-09-28T12:20:00.002+08:00

ytd was the typical study date with ah qiu.
mm
met at bishan at 10,
and rach is late!!!
haha
and for the 1st time i m early.
well, i didnt waste my time,
and read my story book.
hehe guai

studied at subway AGAIN.
ah ruey came at 1300
just before i left for tuition.
ya, it was fun.

tuition at 1330,
and i was late by a couples of minutes,
wel at least i was earlier than normal.
but the place nearest to tcher was taken by K
which i didnt noe who at the beginning,
cos he went for lunch.
LOL
so i went and sat at the seat beside beside tt.
so KE LIAN lo!

and i was like super tired,
practically turning back to check the time every 10min or so.
ya, finally when tuition over i was literally jumping for joy.
haha.
waited at bus stop,
the sun superrrrr BIG!
didnt see K at the same bus stop.
until the bus came.
took same bus, but he stood too far to talk.

then rush down to meet ah qiu and ah ruey.
ya blah blah.
studied and played.
i played with ah ruey's eclipse when he went down to buy food.
ate subway for lunch again for lunch.
left at 2030.

went to singpost to slack,
then some how we wanted to go playground.
but i lost my way,
so we walked to sch's 711
got ourselves 2 cups of cup noodles.
and chatted.
then went home at 2300plus?
haha.

buddha was funny,
asked him to join us,
as he live near paya lebar.
sadly, he was out.

K said abt his past.
but i cant understand it like i may last time.
mayb cos,
the pain W caused is gone.
so i couldnt understand other's pain.

well, so long.
gtg mug.
and i give up on humanities!!!

2008-09-24T20:37:00.002+08:00

damn
how i dread today
24th.

blah blah.
i nearly did some stupid stuff
i nearly throw a piece of letter into his bag
NEARLY
thank god i didnt

i just wanted to say JIAYOU.
yeah, pls do jia you for EOY.

2008-09-24T00:00:00.001+08:00

【一年前的今天】
我遇到了他
爱上了他

【半年前的今天】
我们分开了

6个月...
你保重！
要幸福快乐永远

因为你，

我成长了

流了数不清的泪

但

我还是希望你幸福哦

你与你的她

2008-09-23T20:26:00.003+08:00

xiao xin说

那个人的好朋友说："___________, ____________, 那个人对她很冷，所以她想分."

老天我好开心
不是我错过他
因为他真的对我不好。
开心，
原来不是我任性的要求分。
我不必再自责。

他的好朋友：
谢谢你！
即使你在我们刚分手时，
曾经在别人面前重伤过我。
我原谅你。
感谢你让我解脱了。

但我真的心里还有着那个人
慢慢来吧

2008-09-21T11:53:00.002+08:00

发现了一个长得跟他好像的人，
拜六补习时坐我对面的旁边。

天那，
我好像一直偷偷盯着他看。
跟他说话时也会脸红。
老天，
他才中二耶。

没关系，
反正下个礼拜后也不准备再去了。

那个人也该被就遗忘了。
他很幸福

wo bu nan guo.

2008-09-21T11:50:00.002+08:00

TAG REPLY!
xinDAhao: hehe. HELLO. ah hao!
BABY: hey i updated. hehe. i realise gt lots to catch with u wors.
Jereval: heyz! mr ah wei! yeah i am happy
yunfan: hi
sandy: ah san ah, how come wrong link de. dun tell me u delete liao.

2008-08-29T19:16:00.000+08:00

Eelin: hello!!! haha. link u soon.(:
Jiaxing: JIAJIA!!! i nt maid lah. got so cute de maid mah? haha
wendily: haha. Hello.

2008-08-29T19:11:00.003+08:00

haik
tell me if i shld confess.
tell me if he is avoiding me.

tell me i like pyjamas wholehearted.
tell me i gotten over wang.
totally, entirely.
he is happy. full stop.
nothing else is necessary.
he dun need me at all.

anw.
just for laughter.
` 欣大豪　;　熊大猫. enemies now. says:
Xin Hao, tianyi, hongkai, winnie, xiao xin are good juniors
` 欣大豪　;　熊大猫. enemies now. says:
they won one point.

bye~

2008-08-03T19:38:00.004+08:00

TAG REPLIES!
Guest: o.O thanQ. haha
YunFan: ya using. haha. v fang bian leh. ThQ zzz
TianDAyi: haha. ii m ok liao lohz. haha.
xx: i see... say something meaningfulllll lahh.
XinDAhao: wow. clap clap clapzz. wad a nice junior hor. every time scold me de.):

2008-08-03T17:19:00.003+08:00

got myself a new haircut.
nt much diffz anw.
but it is still a new hair cut.!

quite a lot things happened i suppose.
i cant rmb any of them now.
bt doesnt matter.

ohhhhhhh.
most important thing tt happened.
pyjamas!
haiik.

i dun wan pyjamas to noe!
i dun wan him to be another 某某人to me!
i hope we can noe each other as friends.
some experience, once is more than enough.

i saw 某某人 on friday.
i was screaming my head off cos of the parrot.
he was laughing away with 某人.
so.. i m just an ex tt is far too funny.
ya right.
u sure mean much more than that to me

i acted like i m happy.
i was smiling, laughing.
no one cares to look closer, deeper.
the pain.
the moment he boarded the bus,
i stopped smiling.

it's like 4mth le.
and i still nt gotten over him.
i tried to make myself like pyjamas the way i liked him,
bt still,
is only infactuation for pyjamas.
the one tt truely hold a place in my heart.
is still him, and only him.

is 100% nt possible btw us le right.
when i was having detention,
u were tgt with ur newly darling.

it had been 4 mth plus alr.
i m living in a aimless life.
waiting for something to happen,
yet there is nothing.
everyday is the same old cycle.
nothing seemed to matters.
i cant continue this way.
but hw can i go back the old me.?

i recognise the changes in me.
my attitude.
i dun care for the ppl ard me.
i noe i cant like tt,
bt i just dunno hw.
I M SRY.

2008-07-22T21:44:00.003+08:00

haii.
myh ah.
i m so tired.
save me.

and you ah
haii
i dunno wad to say
i treated u like my really gd friend
yet u do this to me
the hurt i felt u will nvr understand
i felt like running home
bt i didnt.
bt my heart was crying then.

when i was sad
i look ard for u
u aint there
wont ever be there
the pain i have to go thru myself

tags reply:
ty: tDy i <3>san: hehe. when u come back buy u a BIGGER present,k. haha. Miss ya..
yunfan: haha. sent me sent me!
wendily: hello!!!! i miss ya TOOO!!

2008-07-20T21:29:00.002+08:00

tags reply
ty: lol. yeah. tian Da yi(:
noel: hello. (:
amelia: HELLO bimbo.. YO! haha. thankQ<3
rachael: hallo, thankQ 4 for ur present.love it
yd: okok. u r the sax one?

2008-07-20T17:59:00.012+08:00

unglam-ness of us.

POP ytd

jia Da wen came!

hehe

chatted with jiamin during games

abt him, her, me

then presentatin was touching

bt i didnt cry,

neither did jia Da wen

...

me cos i noe i will still try to contact her de

so its ok

then was present exchange

jia Da wen gave me alcohol choco

hehe

casey's was letter and subway cookie.

her letter was funny

we had chanpagne bought by xin Da hao

which is 4.90 only...

we gt the video where by jia Da wen and casey shake it

bt sad i cant open it

so nt able to upload.

aft tt we went to eat dinner at pp

(where all the photos were taken)

the grp photo was taken by a stranger.

hehe

and then went to cine leisure with tian Da yi and her bf.

meet up with derrick and sat in burger king

mvie was at 0040,

named 'red cliff'

which other name is 'cheat my money'

cinema is sibei cold.

and i was totally frozen.

the show started with the king playing with bird.

damn, i was so scared pls><

around 1/2 the show i was covering my face.

tDy hold my hand with her right,

and her bf's with her left.

made me feel so ... extra.

tried to pull back bt like weird.

soo nvr.

let's hope her bf wont mind,

wont he?

while watchin movie with the couple.

i lost in thought.

when will i ever gt use to

this feeling of watching movie alone,

nt with him.

and hw long more do i have to wait until another prince appear?

aft the show,

we walk to the mac,

i made them walk in front of me

and i walk slowly behind.

thinking and thinking.

the mac was where i stay out wholenight with yh

last yr

tt was b4 wzy come to my life.

things changed drastically within the last 8 mth.

slept at mac

wake up my contacts hurt my eyes

took them out and everything was blurred

went to mrt

and waited outside

and i 1st noe orchard mrt

gt play stupid music in the morning

took the mrt

feeling a little weird

cos i was still wearing my band tee.

and is a sunday

reach home ard 630

bathed and slept

wake up at 10 to charge my phone

and made a few calls

continue to sleep til 12

and sam called me

i was so tired and couldnt to church again..

then sleep sleep and sleep

finally wake up at 330.

headache whole day.

this concluded the whole of my weekend.

as i said.

my life is truely aimless now

i need some one,some thing which i can hold on to.

2008-07-20T17:18:00.006+08:00

hello
i m here finallly
was busy the whole week,
so didnt post.):

so as u noe 15july is my bday
which means i m 16 alr.
and i really had big surprises on tt day

1stly, xin大hao told me my present is only 3 lollipops,
&rotten one some more.
im like .....
then he kept asking me to walk faster when walking in tt time
bt i m still slowww.
&xx call him a lot times.
then we reach sch le,
bell rang liao
so sad.
then aft tt he say cos i walk so slow
then the surprises they planned didnt work
so aft sch,
he ask me to find in canteen
he and winnie was waiting alr
then xx also came aft a while
i was like so TOUCHED!
haha
so i hugged winnie thrice, xin大hao once
i wanted to hug xx, bt he dun wan><
no wonder xin大hao kept calling me 'old monkey'
and there is 3cards frm them,
and winnie's gt a lot wrong word.
still, BIG BIG I LOVE YOU!

then ya presents frm rachael, daughter jolene, and 'monica' sherina.
ty, &love ya.

then ty baby and myh lao po's present
and they still owe me a cap.:)

rachel & 'bimbo yo' amelia's
looks like i m really a bimbo sia.
haha

jiaxing's

yunfan'sshocking cos i didnt expect it frm it at all.

aft sch we went kbox,
me sam and rachel
we worn 2dL class tee and fbt
sang til 745
while walking out the box holding all the presents gave way
so everything dropped out
then the kbox guys they find me a bag
and one of them said happy bday too.
haha.

and joyce kissing the banana.

and there is a mysterious guy smsed me happy bday on both phones
tt day
he refused to tell who he is
but he asked things only 1 would ask
but I couldn’t confirm
and i found out who he is ytd
cos he finally on his phone
CASE CLOSED
so i noe who le
tt's enough.
cos everything is POINTLESS now.
even if u werent saying the entire truth is alright
i dun mind alr.

2008-07-14T21:10:00.001+08:00

&ps 3IT ppl
i promise i wont slp during el again
i sincerely apologise for my irresponsible behaviour
I M SORRY!

2008-07-14T20:36:00.003+08:00

the last day of me being 15.
bday blues!

I DUN WANNA TURN 16!!!
deep down in my heart
i hope tmr will nvr come
16 = i m no longer a child!
i m older and can watch NC16(nt tt i really cares)

wad if he nvr say happy bday to me
wad if he forgt abt it
there is so many wad ifs
& i m scared!

and i became christian le worss..
hehe.
saying gd bye to my free thinker status.
must thanks sam, cheryl & wendy the BIG chio bu
haha.

life goes on as usual
nothing stops for me,
neither does the earth stop its revolution
i am just me and only me
i exist by myself
how are you.
happier?
i will pray for you.

tmr i shld start afresh
tmr i shall be a new person
tmr i wont think of you
tmr i m older-.-

tags reply:
XinHao: lol.0.o BDAY BLUE IS KILLING ME
Ty: haha. i will. xDD. last long
FangYu: thank you thank you. haha. link soon. xD
Shirlyn: oO dear junior.! haha. i will de, see ya soon. 8D
Wendylee the da mei nu: haha. yeah, big美女. see ya soon! &ty((:
YunFan: of course lah, i choose de skin mahh. of course chio de can. haha. ty for ur old CD.

2008-07-13T15:17:00.002+08:00

haii.
i m emo..
ppl are all in love right now.
.....
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
no i m nt suppose to be this way.
is gd tt ppl is finally tgt.

ok, where is mine?
i need peace!
in my own heart.

when she said they r finally tgt
suddenly remind me of me last yr...
no, i m NT SAD.
i m just a little bit emo.
i m nt thinking of u,
i m nt i m nt i m nt.

2008-07-13T14:05:00.012+08:00

ytd was NBC..
we gt a super high silver.
was like so sad pls.
only 0.8something to GOLD.

reached sch ard 9,
and mr wong talk until 9plusplus.
and went to eat mac with ty, shirlyn, linxi, and xiaoxin.
reached home ard 1130
and i fall aslp on sofa and so i have a flu!!!
sore throat.!

i m really happy,
yeah!
i really felt the unite-ness of the flutes!
you all really are my darlings.
we must work hard hard to get Gold in SYF next yr!
so JIAYOUs!
I LOVE OUR FLUTES.<3

ys+joyce+ty+shir+hk+xh+xx+winnie=
BIGBIG LOVE! (:

&i decided i shld nt leave.
i will stay.
i dun care if i can see you in sch.
i dun care even if u r holding her in ur arm.
i shld face it, i shld nt run away.
friday i realisedevery little thing in this sch is important to me.
i wont run away cos i dun wan face u.
3 more mth, i will forgt u TOTALLY.
if not, xiaoxin and linxi will give me a slap everyday.

2more days to my bday.
but i just wish i can skip it.
cos it made me rmb ur promises.
tt day i noe u were attached alr.
i cried.
the day i heard the recording ty made,
i cried.
the day i noe u celebrite ur belated bday with ur gf,
i stopped crying.
cos i noe no matter hw much tears i drop,
u wont ever come back.
NVR EVER.
i stopped thinking abt u.
stop thinking abt the false hopes u given me.
if u just/onlt wan to give me a present,
then nt really necessary,
cos with it hw can i forgt u?
and u just gave me the best present,
the news u were attached,
it will help me to forget u.

the day i saw the rainbow,
i didnt make a wish.
cos i dun believe in them anymore.
cos of u.

ppl said u wont last,
but is doesnt matter anymore.
cos wad is important is tt,
i noe u dun like me anymore,
not any longer.
all these things we went t hru is just past.
the sweetest things u did is just past.
i will forgt u,
no matter.

i will stop to look for u in the canteen,
parade square.
i will suceed!
definitely...
life goes on still ,
without you.

&ty,
i give u my best wishes!
stay long(:

2008-06-22T15:20:00.001+08:00

i m tanned,
again.

and this time,
my wrist is injured...

ahhh.
bt waveboard is still fun.
hahahahaha.

2008-06-16T12:22:00.002+08:00

being out the past few days.

gt my fringe cut last thursday.
met up with myh, then joyce.

friday.
wild wild wet craze.
met at pasir ris mac.
was late, as usual
haha
nearly drowned in the shiok river which is only 1m.
ohh, coz i didn't swim for 6 bloody yrs.
then scream like siao at the something slide.
and the jokes on skyrider.
FUN!
haha

sat.
band.
then ate dinner with tianyi.
aft tt went home to bath and met her at tm
cos it was my last day of freedom
as mum coming back on sun.
watched late night movie 'kungfu panda'
the part where the MASTER WUGUI died,
remind me of jia wen.
so currently i m master shifu,
and ty is .. ah po/panda(?)
cos jiawen is like the pro-est among us,
then she step down le.
so, master wugui, i'll miss u sia.

then stay up at mac,
was shock the no. of guys there.
(including ah pek, middle aged, youngsters)
haha.
then i saw a poster sticked on the wall
'catch **** EURO at McDonalds' LIVE'
.....
so they r all here for soccer?!
i dun understand the craze these guys have for soccer.

and well,
i didnt slept,
and so didnt ty,
which is quite shocking,
as the last time was like so sian with everyone sleeping.
and we chatted, zilian-ed, listened to ipod.

ate breakfast at 430,
hotcakes w sausage,
oh i love that.!!!
went home at ard 6,
bathed and slept at 7.
then while i was like sound asleep.

was woke up by sms.
==
is like myh said,
it all came when u least need them.
then forget to reply quite a lot ppl.
sorry...

sun.
then fetch mum at 9pm
cheerys r loved
and so r the clothes.
i noe myh is jealous.
haha.

_____________________
i think i noe wad i shld do.
i made up my mind.
shan't repeat the same mistake again
just like last yr.
i m sry.

2008-06-03T01:06:00.002+08:00

sibei bored.
i have rotted the whole day tday at home.
pon chem cos i was too busy sleeping.
(sound like pig sia)
lol.

anw anw anw
Clarify something 1st ah.
i where gt有很多那间you曾经迷恋过的学校的追求者…
苦笑…
i also hope there is a lot.
bt dun have lah.

and i gt money?!
shocking sia.
i where gt $...

nvm, doesnt matter.
so wad if i m touched.
...
somethings cant be helped.
haiiish.
tired liao
i really dunno la.
nt only for u,
also for the my life.

sad case.
bloody.
are you serious with me?
haiish.
);

2008-06-02T00:55:00.002+08:00

so i didnt stay overnight at sandy's.
lol.
and her brother everytime stick to me de.
haha.
i noe i charming sia.

its late i think.
v late actually.
but i just dun feel like sleeping.
but i m v sleepy!
there's chem lesson tmr.
must wake up early early.
haii.

and the loved shoes were sold out.
only left with one bloody size 40!==
was like shock.
haiii...
but i bought the hairband le.!
yeah.

so overall,
if nt for the tiredness,
today is fun.
oh ya,
at sandy's,
i was msn a bit then she say she wan scold the person le.
like so funny.

and we only sent 2 sms to each other.
is like i didnt put to much hope.
so u see, i m ok.
but wad made me a little depressed is tt,
XXX's friend told my mum.
and the result is clear.
haii.
DEPRESSED!

2008-06-01T12:13:00.002+08:00

mum's gone.
......
sadded.

alright, i jus read someone's blog.
feeling a bit ridiculas that i still felt a single bit of concern.
well,
i dun care if u can see this.
i have totally lost all sort of confident in you already.
(i dun give a damn whether if u care)
how long did we know each other.
10mth?
something like tt i think.
and looking back all those stuff
i knew why we were even close once.
because u gt NO CLIQUE in ur own class.
some type of outcast, i guess.
and u quarrelled with ur-then-best-buddies.
and foolish enough,
i thought u were really meant be a best friend for me.
(how stupid i was!)

however, due something that i dunno wad happened.
we suddenly like lost contact.
oh yeah.
it did bothered me for a long period of time.
but as heartless as u seem,
u dun give a fuck i think.

alright now,
why was i naive enough to try to repair our friendship.
and so did she.
bt however u didnt see.
not only tt u scold her on ur blog?
omg.
wad kind of ppl r u?
ungrateful(?), ridiculars(?)
zomg.
before today,
yes i still cares for u.
but now,
i DONT.

but u gt a clique u wanted.
a bestfriend.
u dun need anyone else alr.

yes, i did sacrifices for u be4.
she did too, a lot more than i did.
but seriously,
touch ur heart and ask urself,
did u ever offered any sort of sacrifice?
NO WAY.
we r just ur convience.
we r just wad u take for granted.
to be more straightforward.
it just means- u dun care for any of us.
we r just wad u use to avoid loneliness.
no this is NT friendship.
u nvr understand the meaning of friendship

and oh weknew something that u hide frm me and her.
something i bet u dun wan us to know.
i nvr understand why u did this.

since i have already write all this.
hey you, stop sms-ing saying
"i will sms u when i topped up my card."
"chat when i gt back my phone"
"talk aft my bill reset"
seriously la,
if u dun sms right,
just dun reply lah.
give FAKE excuse is so irritating u noe.
talking abt broken promises.
look at urself first bah.

ah ya,
i know wad u r going to do aft u read this.
complain to the bestfriend or to a guy.
and i bet u will cry too.
saying how 过分i am.
some things nvr changed.

wadeva i m tired of writing abt u.
yes, we can be friends.
since we have to meet like 2 times a week.
(i gt a feeling u will curse and swear at me now)
kind of wondering did u even treat me as a friend.
senior sia.
bravo, junior.

lmao.
alright alright i will stop here.
i m going to meet myh at pasir ris ltr.
during her break time.
going SHOPPING for my loved shoes.

then meet san,
most probably staying at her hse tday.
gonna be a fun night again.
lalala.

and idk wad i shld do. he sent oversea sms asking if he can get me anything in china. and its like, he's gone for 11days. then.. this.
shocked a bit.

and ya i have to get that hairband from helen.
and wad else.
i need more shopping partners.!
haha.

2008-05-28T21:55:00.003+08:00

band
tio punishment
well, DUI LIAN!

went shopping with myh
frm sch to bugis
bugis to tampines
hahaha.
bt sad I NVR BUY ANYTHING.
lol
ya, i m so tired now.
reached home only 8plus.
haha
bt fun.
xD
1st time out with MO!

and ytd went out with XXX
walk around expernade(wadeva u spell it)
then talked.
and watch wad happens in vegas
laugh until stomache.
met joyce for diner.
i ate little.
(i dunno y, no appetitte)
but ppl all i think i maintaining good imagine sia
haha

plus i saw sandy at citylink
we 2 were shout 'nt bad' to each other.
like mad women.

wadeva, mayb going jogging with mo tmr.
SLIM!
i m fat!
well, i suspect i m in love.
am i bad?

2008-05-19T21:43:00.003+08:00

just let this be the last ever time
i like you alot, still
bt, as xiaolin said
u arent suitable.
our characters.
we hurt each other.
time to move for real.
one mth.
a lot things will happen.
i have to learn to be independent.
my happiness doesnt lies with u.
i wont see u in sch again.
yes, i still like u as much.
bt if only u had pull me the instant i walked away.
i will tell how much i had been missing u.
u will always be on my mind.
u wont b erased.
nt completely, nvr.

bt darling,
be happy.
i noe u will.
forget me.
forget my existence using that one mth ahead.

it had been two mth.
and ur appearance still make my heart skip a beat.
love or nt.
ITS OVER.
but i dun regret.

last time.
i will miss u.

2008-05-19T12:29:00.002+08:00

lol.
i m going to airport in .. 1plus hour.
nonono
is nt me that is going overseas.
is him.

well, weird.
weird.
a bit looking forward.
xD.
and i asked xiaolin go out with me.
and she agreed!
haha
xDxD

1st time going out with her.
memorable day.
haha.
i m quite happy.
and kind of waiting for XXX's sms.
bt even if he didnt,
also nvm de lah.

and it just simply means, 1 mth no contact with him.
well, doesnt really matters le bah.
i m ganbatte to get over him.

well, i realise i have so many shoulders to lean on now,
i mean girlfriends.
haha.
nonono,
i m nt les.

i can talk abt XXX with ty,
abt XXX &999 with myh,
and xiaolin will listen to my craps.
and my dear cj &joyce is always there for support.
haha.
well, blessed.
xD

2008-05-18T10:08:00.002+08:00

ytd went to CHS band concert.
is NICE NICE NICE.
omg.
esp the encore part...
and the saxophone walked up to the front of stage.
so cute!!!
omg.
i m so jealous sia.

went with mum and myh/
hehe.
fun fun fun.
and we saw XXX.
me and myh agree tt he is cute.
omg.
then meet him during interval,
and he is shy.
hahahaha.

aft intervals,
wzy smsed me.
ohohohoh.
somehw i felt he only sms as and when he like only.
...
and i dunno wad happens now.
oh wadeva.
i m tired of him playing me.

MAYB I HAVE A BRIGHT FUTURE AHEAD!
i m simply in a happy mood now.

&the cheesecakes were nice. xD

2008-05-15T21:20:00.002+08:00

EMO~
i feel sooo lonely...
change with tt 'friend' did affect me somehow.
cos we sms a lot last time.
think back if i had know will have this kind situation
i wouldnt waste my sms and ganqing...
==.
cos make me feel so lonneelyy...
ahhh, bloody.
i m so bloody sad, now.

and him...
i didnt see him for a long time.
bt its good i thought,
cos i m forgeting him in process.
(hws he anw?)

its like kind of sad,
i cant share my feeling with tt special person.
cos i dun have anymore.
cos i m SINGLE.
and i lost 'the friend' too. ==.
depressing.
damned.

abt my result,
contented with my maths only.
bt feeling so bloody unrealistic can.
overall is ... quite bad bah.
wadeva, who cares.

SAD sad SAD sad SAD.
everyday feels the same...
meaningless.

2008-05-14T21:57:00.002+08:00

band today.
feels fun.
hehe.
so long w/o cca practices.
just bring back memoriiesssss.
and was reallly emo on the way back.
lol.
but no way HUMAN can turn back time.
so face it.

and i m totally screwing my humanities.
but , expected.

&& when was the last time i saw him,
years ago?
i wonders.

and i think mayb me and her cant be close friend le bah.
a bit sad, though.
like unexpected.
thought we could make some life-long good friends.
but as usually,
cant take them for granted.
phooof. GONE.

dreams r dreams,
i got to wake from that.
&seriously,
this loneliness is killing me.
i really miss him,
(trying my best to subside this)

was looking back at our msn conversation,
i was so happy then.
ddamnn.

2008-05-09T14:06:00.008+08:00

I DIDNT ASK...

so much for the courageous talks.

lmao.

bt hehehehe. he smsed me ytd.

luck i didnt sms him ytd.

sad is tt i didnt see.

bt bt bt we dod talked a bit,

alright, crapped a bit.

this moring or shld i say afternoon.

hehehe

so now.

a confused state.

wad do i feel towards him now?

shld i still ask.

prob is that,

even if we patch,

can we go back to the past closeness or wadeva.

if there is like a barrier there,

wads the point.

so so so.

i WONDERS.

but i did feel happier when i see his sms.

xDDDD.

maybe i still like him.

IDK.

alright, ytd went city hall with joyce.

first marina sq, then suntec.

memories lane, according to joyce.

when we ate at the marina sq,

the ji ko pek store holder is disgusting

asking where i bought my clothes,

like he can wear like tt.==

however, shopping is much loved,

bt sad thing is i got no $.

T-T

forget to bring.

only bought a 'bestie' necklace with joyce

(it will be a heart shape if joinee with joyce's

but due to my laziness

i didnt take photo)

and the memory lane,

where we first met after we stead.

suntec

me while joyce went pee.

us xD

random photos

and the pizza i ordered just now.

pspsps. i worn skirt worrs. hahaa

2008-05-07T10:11:00.002+08:00

the guy playing look so so relaxed!!!

2008-05-06T21:05:00.003+08:00

2 more days.
TWO MORE!
mayb i will have a good cry
and get over u using the 2 years ahead
OR
mayb we have one, just one, more chance.
I M IN A ... MOOD.
wondering, wondering, wondering.

and a nice dinner plus chit chat-ing session with myh.
haha.
lucky we live so near.
ok lar, 2 mrts stops away.
hehe.

wonders wad did i do to get to such good friend,
plus my dear joyce and cj.
haha.
alright, i m in a mussy mood.
but lurbbe you all worrs.
haha.
(trying to act tweetxD)

and and zuxiang,
thx for ur info abt erm-hem,
that is sure fun!
haha

at least, stay single til then, pls

&darling, i DUN need a hypocrite beside me,
if u dun care.
in case u DON'T KNOW.

2008-05-04T14:24:00.002+08:00

alright, i m pissed off right now.
sacarstic?
积点口福?
wtf?!
wadeva.
WADEVA!

2008-05-02T16:19:00.004+08:00

ONE MONTH NO CONTACT LENSE!
02052008 - 020608
is really one mth.
bloooody..!

bt i wear spects very very ugly.
and so mayb i can just drop the idea of him likin me le.
blooody sad.

2008-05-01T11:50:00.003+08:00

半情歌 - 元若蓝

花接受凋零
风接受追寻
心的伤还有一些不要紧
我接受你的决定

你将会被谁抱紧唱什么歌哄他开心
我想着天空什么时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停

你的明天有多快乐不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱著一半的歌

你将会被谁抱紧唱什么歌哄他开心
我想着天空什么时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停

你的明天有多快乐不是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱著一半的歌

我的明天快不快乐都是我的
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了
伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
另一半的歌

2008-04-30T23:16:00.001+08:00

i m emo,

tt's all.

2008-04-30T21:25:00.004+08:00

mayb sometimes is better to not know.
my heart hurts.
being crying for the last few hours for a god-knows-why reason.

ok, although quite sad
but i still prefer to be inform rather than unknown
then who noes
mayb i'll make a fool of myself...

but i also a little bit bu fu qi,
you noe.
you a bit too popular le bah.
and i m jealous,
of course.

sometimes,
i dun think i noe u tt well
but we were suppose to be strangers in the 1st place.
and strangers r not suppose to noe each other also mah.
but still, i m jealous that ... noes something abt you too.
and also the XXX's courage.
complicated,
sure it is.
but this is how life is.

心痛什么时候才会康复呢？
我不要花一辈子的时间去忘记你。
我不要做老姑婆。
我不要看着你比我先交到女朋友。
可我现在也不可能再喜欢谁，
所以你应该会先交到吧。
但是，
看到你交别的女朋友，
我会心痛死耶！
但好像没办法了，
一切随缘吧。
我们可能真的真的没缘吧。
因为你的眼里，
永远都看不到我。
就算再怎么想念也要忍，
因为我怕我会烦到你。
怕把自己放在一个太尴尬的处境。

悲哀的是，
现在连远远看你的机会都没了。
有时，
觉得自己很奇怪，
明明想看到你，
但看到一眼后，
便逃之夭夭。
哎，
然后之后在后悔，
为什么没多看一次...
大变态于宜生

结论就是：
我还是喜欢你，
我不能忘记你，
我的心还是很痛...

2008-04-29T21:06:00.001+08:00

not even a thank you.
full stop.
let all my daydream end here.

2008-04-29T21:04:00.001+08:00

sometimes i really wonders,
will i go blind.?
bit by bit,
i cant see anyone/thing.
wad a tragedy.

2008-04-29T16:23:00.001+08:00

if i can restart again.
i will nvr want to noe it.
but,
it's good, somehow.
this is the where it ends totally.
i wont dream anymore.
i wont think tt we still have any chance anymore.

2008-04-29T16:11:00.002+08:00

it's alright....
it's ok...
wad can i expect u to do.
since i m at fault first.
ITS ALRIGHT
damn it.
bt at least at least u thought u would say a thank you.
but its not necessary...
is not important.
i dun need.
i m well now.

this time i will sixin for real.
no more hope.
smile, pls.

2008-04-29T15:42:00.001+08:00

sad sad sad.
have to see specialist doc alone?!
sad sad sad
2nd mayT_T
pathetic!
rawr!

2008-04-28T20:17:00.003+08:00

看回过去...
原来我真的不会珍惜你，
无论那时怎样，
我都不该放你走。
我不该选择了放弃。
就算那时，
再怎么痛苦，
但至少你还在我身旁。
但现在的我，
一切都要自己去面对，
无论是恐惧还是什么的。
曾经的我
可以告诉你我爱你，
但现在？
我已经彻底的失去了那个资格。

原来我真的很无理取闹，
原来这一切都是我自找的。

我好后悔。
多么希望你再次可以回到我身边，
但
我知道没有可能了。
我伤害了你，
也伤害了自己。
对不起，
我太任性了。
对不起，
我不能忘记你，
我还爱着你。

2008-04-28T19:39:00.002+08:00

rmbing the way u used to pull my hands
and put it on ur heart.
listening to ur heartbeat...
when i thought it will be eternity.
nvr ending.
but, full stop.
how long was it u r gone?
was a month?
felt so long.

i m nvr gonna love one like the way i love u
cos my heart is totally captured by u.

the way u moved,
smiled,
talked,
it will be marked in my mind forever.

though it may sound fake,
but it's true.
i m going to rmb you forever.

a seven hour early HAPPY BDAY to u.

i dunno wad will happen, serious.

2008-04-26T21:10:00.002+08:00

ahhh!
3 MORE DAYS!
nervous nervous.

i m now 100% sure i m sick.
sore throat!
ahhhh.
zzz.
and so i m esp missing him.
lalala.
3 more days,
will he sms me?
as a present for himself..?
just my wishful thinking.

i still rmb his eyes ytd,
kinda of cold,
distant.
...
bt i still.. still like him.
I MIIISS HIM!!!

oh hp hp,
pls dun sleep alr,
give me a sms frm him
(but nt chain sms frm him,
cheat my feeling)

2008-04-24T21:29:00.002+08:00

i feel like i cant breath.
missing him.
.
..
...
....
....
.....
I MISS HIM!

i just wan him to an wei me
though
it seem inappropriate given the current state we r in.
E-M-O!

ps. i m nt crazy,
blame it on the weather.

2008-04-24T18:15:00.004+08:00

BAD NEW#1
i think i m sick,
i mean really physically sick.
bodyache!
ah, fcuk.
last yr end year also like this.
blahblahblah.
how how how.?

BAD NEW#2
i think i just screwed up my english paper.
...
hope i can pass bah.

BAD NEW#3
ah.!
sec 2's exam time is in the afternoon.
u noe wad i mean.
...T_T

finally, to tianyi,
updated(:

&&&i miss him...
wad he mean leh?
makes me wonder...

2008-04-10T13:28:00.001+08:00

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2008-04-07T19:50:00.000+08:00

i believe there will always be sunshine after a rain.

2008-04-06T20:12:00.002+08:00

my life is just a piece of shit
everyday's 7pm to 10pm
is my emo time i realise.
all memories flooded my brain.
i cant think,
and i just really miss him.
damn.

he gt a competition tmr,
asking the other girls to go,
bt not me.
i noe is wrong to be sad cos of this,
bt i cant stop myself.
am i still somebody in his heart.
do i at least occupy a part of his heart.
i guess,
the ans is no.

i m S.A.D.
some one an wei me leh.
is there anyway to erase my own memory away,
no,
just erase away all memories abt him.
let me go back to my life be4 i saw him on 24092007.
let him nvr knew i like him,
let him nvr knew i existed,
let him nvr....
i cant turn back time right.

let me nvr say the words.

the end.

2008-04-01T20:31:00.003+08:00

oh well
isnt it the most prefect day of my life.

4things that ruined my say.

1st,
abt the calling while walking home with me thing.
i mean, ok, my fault that i walked off.
but u see,
is like damn neglecting, can.
and is nt just that.
when u were calling,
u say out his name thrice, loud.
and do u know hw i felt?
&plus, i noe u very concentrate on ur call,
when i go buy tako yaki,
u walked away.
do you how i felt?
i gt feeling u totally dun give a damn abt me.
but aft tt,
i was pissed nt only becos of you,
also because,
i just hate my life,
realising actually i gt no one to call or sms.
&realising hw lonely i was, actually.
and the person i hoped who will be comforting me,
by my side always,
had left my world 9days ago.
ya, i m sorry.
(i mean it.)
but, just spare me a thought can?
i know u r troubled enough becos of all those things.

2nd thing,
i lost my coupon worth 200bucks.
wad can i see.
my own carelessness.
serve me right.
come on, 200bucks
i m a poor kid lah.
damn the sch for making us sell the tickets.

3rd thing,
every morning i wake up and rmb he left me,
sadness came over me.
and i cant sleep well at night,
or rather i cant sleep at all.
drinking some d.o.m. only give me headache the next morning.
bad cycle,
but i cant help it.
i cant get in my head that over means over.
i shall be waiting, still.

4th thing,
quite minor,
bt cos of the above things happened,
made me pissed off more.
i made my damn popular card last dec,
so where the hell is my card now?
they havent sent me until now?
wth?
ok, i was going to burst into tears in that popular shop,
bt i managed to control it.
cos no one cares abt me any more,
no one.

2008-03-29T19:35:00.002+08:00

lol.
just realised this is my 100th post.
clap clap.
although.
i think no one is reading it.
nvm nvm nvm.
i read can liao.

&i finally gt my hair cut.
hope hope hope the things that i wanted
will come back to me.
including--- good luck!!!

&&my hair is still mess now.
so is my life.
zzz.
and i suspect my fringe is too short lehhh.
haii.

JY , ys!

2008-03-28T20:06:00.003+08:00

HAIR CUT tmr!
somehow i just wanna believe that
once i cut my hair
mayb i ll have some better luck.
ie. he will come back to me.
may it be just a wishful thinking or wadeva.

conclusion of the day;
if only u looked up today.

haii.
i really miss you.
what shld i do.?
this is wad i chose to do right.
4days passed.
&hows u?
as usual.?
or even happier?
do you feel the same way as i do?
i doubt so.

&&&i really miss youuuuu.
T.T

2008-03-27T21:13:00.002+08:00

大手拉小手

你的手很大你的肩很宽广
让我的头停靠在最安全的地方
你的心很大你的爱很宽广
oh~ my love
你给我力量
我怕黑你给我光线
我难过你给我安慰
我再也找不到有谁像你一样
找不到有谁和你一样
你付出不求回报
给我最真的照顾呵护
我永远永远不孤独不孤独

你的手很大你的肩很宽广
让我的头停靠在最安全的地方
你的心很大你的爱很宽广
oh~ my love
你给我力量
我怕黑你给我光线
我难过你给我安慰
我再也找不到有谁像你一样
找不到有谁和你一样
你付出不求回报
给我最真的照顾呵护
我永远永远不孤独
我再也找不到有谁像你一样
不去找有谁和你一样
你让我学会知足
我感动的想哭
不哭你要我不哭我不哭

in memories.

2008-03-27T20:56:00.003+08:00

haii.
no hope le?
or there is some hope?
question marks.
tsk.

but i dun regret for the decision i made.
nope.
i dun.
YS IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
alright, i noe tt's bhb.
bt who cares.

damn it.

&i realise where joyce and i sit
is call 'the emo corner'
haha.
we r like emo whole day one.
and eating and eating.

talking abt eating.
omg the 3 packet potatoes chips i ate on tuesday.
i m going to be SO fat.
affect me so much la this thing.
blahblahblah.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
when the hell i m going to recover la, bloody

somehow,
i realise,
i dun wish give it up.
i doubt that i even trying to.
and i still wish to see him,
though must likely is sad again.
but nvm.

YS MUST SMILE!

2008-03-23T15:38:00.002+08:00

YS is nt going to be defeated that easily!
(i really hope so)

i guess
is coming to an ending.
since no explaination is offered,
even when i gave chance.
though i shld have expect this,
but nvr realise it will be this soon.
nvm.
i gotta carry on my life.
with or without you by my side.

i m relunctant to say the words
becos to me
once they were out
there is no return.
but.
i still have to face it.

all those sweet little memories,
they are eating me inside out.
damn it.
i really hope i will survive.

__________________

&ya for u.
ok,
i guess u r so right abt me.
YES U R.

forgive my sacarsm
but i really dunno wadelse to say
when u can just write that in ur blog
for everyone to see.
i guess u froget tt
u can tell me that in private.
and save me the tiny winny bit of face i have left.

and ya,
u choose to tell me all those things TDY,
a already-so-fucked-up day for me.
but i think u still deserve a 'I M SRY' frm me.
(i really mean it)
just like the way i did frm u.
pls respect me by nt writing all those in ur public blog
with so many ppl reading.
i m just sick of ppl coming around and ask me,
is tt XXX's post meant for u?

i m sry if i didnt do as u expected.
i m sry i troubled u.

YS IS GOING TO LIVE AS HAPPILY AS BEFORE!
she must!

2008-03-05T20:42:00.000+08:00

i just need to have a good cry.

20.45

2008-03-04T20:32:00.002+08:00

something is wrong.
something is very wrong.
SOMETHING IS VERY VERY WRONG.

just a normal school day
except is colder,
and with tests.
let's jus forget about results.
it only ruins my day.
blahblahblah.

there is something btw us.
i have totally no idea wad it is.
time to say byebye?
how i dread that.

just let me be selfish for this time,
dun leave
yet.

i feel so sicked.
gosh.
u were affecting me much more than i know.

and i will survive.
no matter what.

2008-02-28T19:12:00.002+08:00

ok
i have decided
back to blogging
haha
yeah(:

tdy is a terrible terrible day
sad.
quarrel with mum last night,
causing a super sad day for tdy.

then no one walk out of sch with me?!
sad.
cos joyce went lan,
and i being such a noob at dota,
didnt wish to embarass myself anymore.
called tianyi
and she said she is engaged le.
well, i thought maybe could at least walked tgt(with her friend),
but she just say cant.
sad.
well, it is okay,
she have her life also mah.
but i was a little upset.
(normal ppl all will bah, i guess)
ok, nvm.
at least i finally found sandy going home too
bt she is rush of time,
so i didnt went to the math remedial,
just so that there is some one to pei me.

and on the bus,
he called to ask where i am.
if he were to call or sms 1 h ago.
i probably wouldnt be on the bus already.
is all timing prob.

&ya,
you shouldnt have sent that sms,
abt the make appointment earlier.
it pissed me off,
and upsetted me.
and i really dunno wad i shld reply.
i might ended up scolding you.
who noes.

conclusion:
I M SAD.

2008-02-04T21:10:00.000+08:00

i call this RETRIBUTION.
isn't it.

i m hurt by all those things u did
w/o urself knowing it.
it is ur nature.
but i just cant take it.
maybe i m selfish or wadeva.
wad shld i do now?

why are u just is so different from wad i thought.
how do i make the pain go away,
how do i pretend that i dunno,
and i dun care?

just tell me how can i do it?

my heart is breaking, now.
really.

i know is wrong to cry,
but i dunno wad else can i do.

but i know,
i cant live without you.

someone, save me.
pls.

2008-02-02T20:37:00.000+08:00

shopping with joyce and cj darling
we bought skinnies.((:
at penisular
oh yeah.
finally
SKINNIES!
haha

&aft that
went to bugis street
and bought cardigan
&a big saying' i m a cat person'
CUTE.

i love shopping with darlings.
haha
and tmr's put to bugis with him.
smile snile.
$150 more to spent!
JY!

2008-01-29T20:25:00.000+08:00

29.01.2007
one month(:
maybe i will not know how to live a life without you already.
hope it'll last.
oh pul-lease.

&4months 5days anni with LU TIANYI-baobei
& since the first time i saw him

2008-01-27T17:19:00.001+08:00

and to summarise about my life.

is interesting.
cos a l0t of things happened.
&is not exactly all good.
oh yeah.

forget and forgive for some.
though is hard.
but do try.

tsk;
i m still someone with 洁癖，
鲁天一.
oh yeah.

SAYONARA~!

2008-01-27T17:16:00.000+08:00

...
look like my interest at blogging
seem to be gone liao.

make it a private diary?
not a bad idea.
but then is shldnt be called as blog liao.
LOL.

wadeva lah
i updated le,
鲁天一.

mission accomplished.
(:

2008-01-15T18:52:00.000+08:00

...
busy busy &busy
lol
i have no idea wad i m busy with
zZ

so i m updating now.
dear blog!!!
i m nothing to say
cos u noe
sch is like the same everyday
...
wadeva.
i go sleep.

&i genuinely hope that it will be forever.
cos i cant imagine
a life without you.
i love you.

2008-01-09T21:05:00.000+08:00

i dun even know if i shld be happy or sad
i just think that i have been too foolish in the past
and shld i say
i m a total retard.

gosh
i feel messy now
my life is a complete mess now.

now that i can see it
i was dumb, then

2008-01-08T18:38:00.000+08:00

hey ppl
i m back to blog
haha

recently was busy.
with SLEEPING.

i m like going-to-be late for the last few days
...
i actually tried to take a earlier mrt
but i simply cant squeeze in the bus lor
i mean nowdays
everyone has a butt bigger than mine
tt's why i cant squeeze in

dun wan write liao.
sian.
BB

&i love you, with my entire heart.

2008-01-01T06:18:00.000+08:00

NEW YEAR 2008
resolution time!

1. your love
2. good grades
3. everybody all healthy INCLUDING ME!
4. happy everyday((:

the last day of year 2007
was a NICE NICE day
cutting hair was a bad bad decision
though the hairdresser is really CUTE
but still
my hair SUCKS
so pls
dun laugh at my hair when u see me

after that went to joyce's hse
her dog is so cute!

went to K with him at 4
which was suppose to meet at 230
while joyce went to met up with alex
&
we all was late
&&
i was damn nervous
really.

realise he gt really long eye lashes.
gosh i m jealous of it
haha
throughout the whole thing i only sang 2 songs
due to my flu
&sore throat
actually i shouldnt sing loh
but.
haha
i just couldnt bear to hear ppl sing
and i m just suppose to sit there

then went to met joyce, alex , cj
suppose to eat pizza
but due to the long queue
we ate yoshinoya.

as for the unhappy stuffs
i dun wan to talk about it
but i was really affected by it
cried and stuff
after consoles frm joyce &tian
i can forgive
BLAHBLAHBLAH
i m just too crazy
but there will always be the scars
lol.

then the count down
found a place at explanade there at 10
and the fire works at 12 was definitely NICE
managed to throw the past behind me
and the msges frm him made that smile glued to my face

came to tampines Mc and tawn the whole night
slept around 530
which made my flu worst
and woke up
due to the stupid aunty came and knock the table saying
"no sleeping in here"
and we are still here
with joyce and alex sleeping opposite me
i believe in no time
the aunty is going to come back for them
haha.

i m missing him now.
really.

battery flat for both handphones
so i wasnt able to sms since 3plus this morning.

tdy is going be a tired day.
finish my journal and buy school shoes.

i guess this feeling is
L.O.V.E.
oh cool.

SCHOOL is reopening tmr
smiles
i m looking forward to it
for the good class i have
and him.

(:

i noe i m a HUA CHI!

&&PPL,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

<3

2007-12-30T20:14:00.001+08:00

2007-12-30T10:58:00.000+08:00

mark this day
29122007

smiles
i shall remember this day
FOREVER

2007-12-26T22:56:00.001+08:00

i m in the mood for photos
here's just some of it
i m being lame
yeah.
definitely(:

i definitely want smelling her feet, it was because of the angle

&i love you

2007-12-26T22:52:00.001+08:00

我.
爱.
你.

how i wish
i m brave enought to tell u this.
is true
and i do.
but it just seems
u were nt the same as i thought.
but i still do.

2007-12-25T20:14:00.000+08:00

ok
so another CHRISTMAS gone
and i was courageous enough to delete his no.
haha
officially 暗恋him for 4mth and 2days
(:

ok
so since i can delete his no.,
then why i just ignore his sms?
WHY?

damn it

i m just not self-discipline enough
what ever promises i made to myself,
they all seem to disappear at the sound of his voice.

我很不自律啦！

讨厌现在的自己！

and is 暗恋meh?
maybe 明恋？
haha
i m so lame.

我爱你！
haha

maybe you wont ever know
but is love
or so i think;

2007-12-18T21:42:00.000+08:00

i was trying to live my life without you
was about to suceed.
but you came right back in
and now you are gone again.
the pain, emptiness.

i m struggling to get back my usual life

but i just can't.

2007-12-15T12:58:00.000+08:00

i realise at this speed
i m gonna to get a concussion soon
cos everytime i rmb something tt i dun wan to think abt
then i hit my head
& i've been hitting my head for 20++ times frm 10am to now
oh, great
i m be a bai chi sometime soon
OH GREAT!

i really didnt realise u could affect me so much
...
i really didnt
u are like a totally stranger to me
i really dun noe u,
i guess.
maybe i did the right thing
or maybe i was wrong
but who cares.
since i wont get the chance to see the other side of u.

WHATEVER!

i shan't think abt u le
let be a dream
may it be a nightmare
or sweet dream

i kinda of wish tt i nvr met u
really
then
no heartbroken stuffs
no confusions

BLAHBLAHBLAH

how i wish i can lose my memory
or have a selective memory
which can choose to save or delete memories
then u are on top of my list...

&today is my mum's bdae.
just realise.
OMG..

anw went shopping with her ytd
bought shishedo mascara and eyeliner
damn eff-ing ex
but she pays
*grins

my mood is much better than ytd le!!!
much much better
since tarot cards are saying
tt i wont get into a new relationship tt soon
then i shall dun put any hope on u le
sighs

listening to cyndi wang's 还是好朋友
and some other emo songs(nt by her)
还是好朋友 nt bad sia
the lyrics are really touching
but i realy prefer to listen and n see her sing
cant really stand her act-innocent expression
lmao

SO LONG~

2007-12-09T18:16:00.000+08:00

也许...
那时我把你想得太好了。
现实总与梦想差很多。
原来，
你也只是个普通的男生啊。

我想，
我们不了解对方。
一点也不。
我自以为我以为看到的就一定是真的。
其实，
非也。
有时眼睛也会看走眼的。

我其实早就知道，
但就是死也不放手对你的喜欢，
宁可继续暗恋下去。
但话说回来，
我现在也没放手啊，
只是时间那么久，
喜欢有点变淡了。

再者，
你知道吗？
其实，
我对自己没有足够的自信，
我觉得自己好像配不上你，
前任们都是美女，
我这么普通。
而且，
你忘记她了？
这么快？
我不信...

已经喜欢半年了，
怎么可能那么快不喜欢了的。

总之，
我只是对自己没信心...
真的。

2007-12-09T03:47:00.000+08:00

come to think of it
i feel so embarassed by my reaction
when they call me

he
is the guy i like
so i shld be happily accept him
rite?
but why did i feel weird
if he were to become boyfriend?
maybe cos i noe he dun like me
ya
if he dun like me
then dun even ask lor
dun offers promises tt u cant keep lor

using me to start over again
wth
i m a HUMAN BEING,
pls.
if it is tt way,
i rather it continues this way,
even if sometimes,
i do feel sad.

but
what i want
is ur love
if u cant give
then forget it.

从来没有奢望你会喜欢我，
更何况是跟我在一起。
如果不是爱，
那我宁可不要。
既然我已经把爱给了你，
那，
你让我留下我的自尊，好吗？

我不敢接受，
但同时却蛮开心的，
也许代表你会忘了她吗？

算了，
希望越大，
破灭时就越痛。
所以我不会抱太大的希望。

能够认识你，
我已经很高兴了。
真的。
如果不爱我，
就让事情永远停留在这儿，
大家是朋友的时候。

但是，
我希望你会爱上我。
不会强求，
只是希望。

不然的话，
会伤了我，
同时，
浪费自己的时间。

。。。

2007-12-09T03:30:00.000+08:00

wth
wth
wth!!!

he asked...
and i m so nt prepared for it
omg
...
omg
the greatest shock in my life sia
so sunddenly
OMG LAH
zzz
so what happens now
i wonder?

2007-12-06T23:55:00.000+08:00

男孩和女孩是一对男女朋友，
男孩很花心，
但女孩对男孩很专情。
女孩很爱雨天，
也喜欢淋雨。
每当女孩跑出伞外淋雨时，
男孩往往也想陪着她一起淋雨，
但都被女孩给阻止了。

男孩总问："为什么不让我陪你一起淋雨呢？"
女孩总回答说："因为我怕你会生病！"
男孩也会反问她："那你为什么要去淋雨呢？"
但女孩总是笑而不答。
最后往往是男孩拗不过女孩而答应了她的要求，
因为男孩只要看到女孩开心就很快乐，
但幸福的时光总是不会长久的。

男孩喜欢上另一个女孩，
喜欢她的程度更胜于她。
有一天当男孩和女孩吃饭的时候，
他提出了分手的要求，
而女孩也默默的接受了。
因为她知道男孩像风，
而风是不会为了任何人而停留的。

那天晚上，
是男孩最后一次送女孩回家。
在女孩家楼下，
男孩吻了女孩最后一次。
男孩说："真抱歉，辜负了你！但是陪你在一起淋雨是我最快乐的时光！"
女孩听完便抽泣了起来，
男孩抱着她。
许久以后，
男孩跟女孩说："有一个问题我想问你已经很久了，为什么每一次你在淋雨时都不让我陪呢？"
许久之后
女孩缓缓的说："因为我不想让你发现……我在哭泣！"

那一天晚上，又下起了雨……

2007-12-05T23:56:00.001+08:00

tell me how to forget you
pls

i know we were impossible frm the start
but through the smses
i get some hopes
but obvious
it was not wad i thought
i think too much le
i dun wanna waste my time on you le
2 bloody months and 11damn days...

but just
tell how to not to think of you...

2007-11-15T19:16:00.000+08:00

我做对了吗？
叫你不要在烦我
因为
我居然觉得后悔
我做错了吗?
为什么我的心会痛?
为什么我会决的不舍？
你的声音好像一个人...

2007-11-15T11:10:00.000+08:00

mum's going back china tonight...
from then on
no more dinners ready for me when i m hungry
sighs...
just realised how sad my life's gonna be for the next 3 weeks
gosh...
maybe by the time she come back
i will slim down by a few kilos

at least one thing good abt this
freedom
the freedom to do my own things..
go out, calls,
NO MORE NAGGINGS
ahaha
guess i m really fortunate!

p.s.
i dunno wad shld i do...

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complicated-

2008-04-10T13:28:00.001+08:00 wmode="transparent" align="middle" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" />

<3

2008-04-10T13:28:00.001+08:00

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